Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
