there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize