True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
