How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
