just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hippo gnu deer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
