his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
