i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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