I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize