Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
