so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
