She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
