Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
