Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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