I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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