I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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