I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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