So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
