Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
