he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
