so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Randomize
