What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
