OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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