I am puke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
