You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
