You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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