when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
