Your mouth is God's brothel.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
