I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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