So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
