He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
MIDGETS
????
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize