Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
where am i from again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
