We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
