i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
