I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
