it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize