she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
