I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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