Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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