You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
