her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
