College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
