OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
