Whats the glycemic index on semen?
handjob tips. give me some.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
