I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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