I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
