Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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