: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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