areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize