i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize