When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
