what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
