just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
