i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When did angry sex become our thing?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
try to milk me bitch
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