So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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