Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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