so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
