Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
