I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
