My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
