White coat. Heels.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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