didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
