Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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