areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
