I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
