i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
