Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
