I think my vagina is haunted
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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