i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
