white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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