And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
