I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
