Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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