Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
